Turned to dust

Turned to dust
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
I buried my lover two decades into our love affair
Heaps and heaps of sand kissed her coffin as they carried it six feet under
Flowers, cards and words were the final present upon her grave

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
My lover is no more
The pain sits comfortably between my chest
Every other day it peaks its head out and laughs at me with all its might

Turned into dust
Buried with no tear from my eye
In denial and in disbelief for a whole year
Until it struck me down
Weight loss came
My health went south

Accepting your passing was a task all on its own
Its living without your warm smile that's indescribable

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Here today, turned to dust tomorrow

"Pain demands to be felt"
Life left my name in its palm
Permanently residing in my chest
Only tears make it better but for a day

Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
I buried my lover
Two decades into our love affair

I know not how to live beyond but I have to
Phoenix I am
Dust

Love lost my name in the mail

With my head safely resting on your chest
I remember the future that is not promised to us
I think of the love and laughter we are never to see beyond this friendship
I wonder if these hugs will ever remind you of home


Or will the hurt of the past always be a constant reminder of our past
I have failed to selflessly love you
I have dismally failed to unconditionally love you
Had I met you before you met me I would be with you


Had I always put me first I would have loved you fiercely
The weakest parts of you remind me of my father
And the strongest parts remind me of the man I have grown to love


Grown to know and see love others
I have seen you help old ladies climb lapas to find their seats, I have seen you wipe little girls' tears and I have seen you guide those younger than you to lead better lives


I have seen you continue to laugh with me and love me after all the rejection I sent your way
I constantly see your attempts at being a better man and being crushed on every side


I have seen you pray with and for those around you
I have seen you hustle and grind to get things going for your mom and little sis back home
I have seen you try to get your family to see that you are a changed man


I have seen you stand up to your dad and remind him that he is a father
I have seen all points of your life and how you have survived them all


Modimo at the front of it all
You are amazing, if only life afforded me the opportunity to be with you
All I know is that I will forever love you
From your cricket laughter, to your weird dance moves, to your dark, chocolate skin, to your beautiful white smile


May you continue to love with your all and may she love you more than I ever will
I love you, always


With all my love


B

Let it shine

The hardest thing to do as a human being is to love again after your heart has been crushed and your fingers have been burnt. I generally enjoy being single, I feel as though I am giving the best years of my life to myself. I have seen how relationships consume a person because of all the things that have to be done.


I cannot begin to say I understand why we are raised to think that marriage is the ultimate dream, as though beyond it there is nothing.
Who says we can't study, travel and dream big beyond marriage? Who ever placed a high pedestal on marriage needs to unwind it. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying we should not get married, all I am saying is that independence goes a long way. Ambition and dreams to build an empire beyond your husband and kids keeps the fire in your life as an individual alive.


We can't afford to lose our individual traits and aspirations because bae is here, if anything bae and I ought to have the same vision so as to work towards that goal. I ought to have my own dreams too and chase them without feeling as if I am outshining bae or anything of that nature. The adequate beast within needs to be unleashed beyond having a baby, beyond unemployment, beyond marriage and most definitely beyond having a bae.


I know I always share my opinions neh but I just feel like we need to have these conversations. Our little sisters and brothers need to have dreams, goals and aspirations beyond dating the coolest girl/boy at school, varsity, church etc.


We need to raise a generation that is aware of its individualism first, and then we can talk about bae and all we can aspire to reach. I got my fingers burnt for camouflaging my dreams into a joint venture in a relationship, I could not even speak when he was wrong because I was his cushion. Always there to Sis Dolly his life instead of telling him like it is, I let him define me. When he left? I was a mess because what I had moulded myself into had packed up and left, things were stale, with no growth whatsoever. I lost my greatest trait: my instinct in the relationship because I felt as though I had to dim my light and let him shine, that almost killed me.


There ought to be a balance between you, me and us. We have to come to the realisation that relationships do not complete us, all they do is compliment who and what we are. The minute we feel like our other half completes us, go nale mathata. What will be of you when they die or leave you? And were you incomplete before they came into your life? But how?


All I am trying to say is that in as much as we want to unconditionally love people, let that unconditional love begin at home. I was actually going to talk about learning how to love after all the pain you have been through but my head has a mind of its own

With all my love
B

Go tshwana fela

Dig, dig, dig deeper
Find your mouth's next feed
In your own land

Curse your master
Make him money
A slave in your own house

Feed his gravy train
Sweat and die
Leaving all your riches

Hurry on down the earth's crust
Deep down into the Anaconda's belly
Come back with Asbestos & Silicosis as your reward

Hurry about & lay with her
Give her your ills & take her life sentence
Stray from pills & die a poor man

Your mind has been played by the fake master
Your money is his now
So is your land and all that you are
All you can do is write poems about it & wallow in sad truths

Rise up oh! Afrikan child
Vuk' emaqandeni masebe
The time is now

Ke nako
Setimela sa goya Johni se fitlhile
Pagama tuu, reye go swa rotlhe
Kgang kgolo ke gore re lokile mogo maswe

Re tlogetse sera se re tseela tsotlhe
Epa foo re swe
Dira ka pele mabitla a re emetse

Itlhaganele tuu
Bokamoso ba rona ke loso
Gaise re amogele sepe molefatsheng la maswi le dinotshi
Epa foo, re ipoloke

Ga rena mosola
Re tshwana fela le bao re ba bolokileng
Ga rena mosola go fitlhela re kuka ditshwanelo tsa rona ka magetle
Re busetsa lefatshe la rona modiatleng tsa rona

Nkabo re sule rotlhe
Ka gore bana ba rona ga bana lehumo lepe ntle le tshokolo mo ga bone

Ga rena mosola
Ga kena mosola
Go thata
A re sweng tuu

Eyes

My brother once told me that one sees into one's soul when they look into their eyes
I had an encounter today
Several times at best, I looked into his eyes as ideas flew around and I remembered how I was a sapio-sexual


I got a chance to pierce off the walls he built around his aura and see the naked truth all by myself
I saw the crisp realness that lay in his eyes
I saw the beauty that is to unfold beneath all the walls he has built around him
I found his haven and before I could connect, he looked away


Before I could pierce in deeper, he dropped his gaze and looked at another
Only for a bit until he fixed his gaze upon me and I felt a surge of safety run through my teeth as my jaw dropped
His hugs are not the best but we can work on that
Its his eyes and the purity with which they live that struck me open


It was in the bosom of deep conversations that my heart reawakened to love's call
Its in his eyes
Cher would testify, ask her

26.08.2013

Numb can never be associated with pain
Its prick is always ready to devour
The innocent are its daily prey
Pain is not for the fainthearted
Heck! its not for anyone at all
Yet it loves each & every one of us


When your ducks seems to finally get into rows
It pounces on your heart, licking old wounds
Resurfacing old scars with new paint
Old wine skins traded for new wine at all costs


With no warning
It comes as fragile as premedicated death
As silent as the sting of suicide upon us
Unbelievable yet true to the core
Ready to silence our voices
Ready to roar and be heard


Pain is life's mantra


Never too happy nor too sad
Always involuntary and sharp
Always skin deep and shallow corners
Never full


Forever on stand by
Pain knows not the meaning of numbness
Nor the subtle yet gentle nature of love
Selfish and self-centered it always remains
Fulfilling its wildest dreams while breaking our hearts into mosaic sized pieces


Pain is our eternal companion
Sipping tea on the fence of love, hate and/or both
Pain knows our address
Hell! It lives on our shores
Killing endorphins as soon as they show their eyes
Pricking away at happiness as fast as Diesel stealing cars


Turning silly laughs into horrid tears of agony
Slipping through fingers like oil from fried fish
Skiing through our lives like ice on a hot day
We never summon you but you love us
We never call you but you are always home
We loathe your sting
You love us whole
Catch the irony


You are the epitome of our wildest dreams come true
The essence of Nada, Prada and yada yada
The unpredictable source of all things predictable
The essence of the adrenaline life sucks to render victorious


You are the starring of our lives
The main man with no intent of letting either of us go


You are anything but disloyal
Faithful to the sun's core
I take off my hat to you
A young bow would ruin your bitter swing
I will leave you to it


Numbness has never been a part of your vocabulary


You are a special breed all on your own
Saluting you would raise your ego
Hence we pray your sting away
Rejoice when you depart


Never take anything for granted
We live lives built on solid love
We know you and we will never let you in
The scent of your perfume will always linger on our front lapas but never will we allow you to dine with us


Love thine neighbour, laugh your ass of, do what you will


Life is too short and too unpredictable to be anything but you.


Bye pain


Spreading all of me
B

Sore

Sore hearts never get to fill the void of love
Broken hearts never see the light beyond the tunnel
Torn hearts never see the light of day


Drained hearts never live with the humans
Absent hearts are always loved
Loving hearts never receive half the love they give out


Worn out hearts always love the most
Tired hearts never cease to revive others
Mine is entangled in all of the above


Tired, bruised, burnt and in pieces yet it still wants to love again. Feel again and above all share all the love it has never been given the chance to share

Crimson eyes know my name

Pain resides on the outskirts of my heart but it all stops now. It all stops today

I will wait for him and he will find me whole and content

With all my love
Phoenix 

What did I say about my heart betraying me? Well, here goes

You should have seen how his stature caught my eye


His snoody (scarf) hugged his neck in places I wish my hands were hung
His blue and torn dungaree sat so perfect on him I wanted to trade mine for his
I never got to smell his scent but he oozes humbleness


You should have seen how selfishly white and perfectly lined his teeth are
Each laughter he sprung out of his mouth made his eyes sparkle more


You should have seen his eyes and how they do not know how handsome he is
You should have seen his red and white stripped socks from his mom


His face beamed with love for her each time he mentioned her
You should have seen his pure brown eyes stare into mine each time I stared at him for too long
You should have seen how flawless our conversations about heartache were
You should have listened to the ballad melodies that rang from each chair as we packed them away in utter silence


You should have seen how suave and chic his outfit was
You should have seen his lips kiss my breathe with his DM comment


You should have seen my face light up as I reminded myself to pay attention
You should have seen my heart sink as soon as I learnt that I was older


You should have seen me cry my eyes out on the toilet mat before hitting the sack
You should have seen me listening to India Arie's Good mourning as I tell you about my Chris-perience


You should have felt the peace that filled my heart as soon as I accepted life to be rude regarding this point of my life
You should have held me in your arms as soon as you read my heart's portion
You should have but instead you chose to read this post


You should hala at me on Twitter @Carone91 so that I can show you what you should do to be forgiven

With all my love
Chris-ped B

Unbreak her heart

The heart: The one emotion her heart refuses to forget is that of pain. Do you know what she is talking about? No, neh? Let her explain:
The pain sits just below her heart and it feels like an inferno has been lit there, salt, pepper and fuming aspects are added to it

The worst part is that she never saw it coming. She has always dated people that she genuinely had feelings for and loved, the worst part is being heartbroken by someone who you never thought would break your heart.

It is the hardest thing to get over. She has ended relationships because she felt that she could not take certain traits anymore, does that make her a bad person?


She left because she felt like a trophy girlfriend, she left because it became clear as soon as she said "I love you too" that sex is the only thing wanted by him. The hardest thing to be as a girl is truthful to a guy, because the minute you mention the no sex aspect of life where you are, they can't take it. She is yet to meet a man who will say sex is not the reason he wants to get with her. Is that what love is? Sex?

She thinks not, and for that reason she is yet to be found by a man who understands where she is coming from. While we are on the sex topic, why does it seem to her that "I love you" is the supposed key to having sex?


She cannot understand it. She once met a guy who said he would like to be in a relationship with her without sex. She was beyond shocked by hearing a guy utter such words, because half the time they don't have these words in their vocab.  She was not ready for a relationship of which she told him, and guess what he told her?


He told her that she did not want to date him because he did not make sexual advances at her. Can you perhaps see the irony here?
She is sure that you are sitting there wondering why she is out here writing such right? Its simple, she is tired of being seen as a piece of meat that can be devoured once it has reiterated the three little words: I love you.


She is tired of settling for men who do not open the door for her. Men who do not know what please, thank you and may I mean. She is sick and tired of being treated like a priced possession because she is of the opposite sex. Could we perhaps have this conversation?


The saddest part about this article is that her heart never ceases to betray her by loving the opposite sex. In as much as she tries to give the best and most frustrating years of her life to herself, there is always that guy out there who will give her one look and make her feel alive. That one guy whose smile melts her heart like candle on a willing wax stand. That one dark guy whose smile ignites the power of the phoenix in her to rise. Kudos to the guy and may he know how to treat women. She prays to be blessed with boys, she will first and foremost teach them gore (that) women are first and foremost: human. She will then teach her girls that men are human beings who are not superior to them. She will teach her kids to respect others as they want to be respected. Above all they will see how Ubuntu is a philosophy of life from how she lives her life.


To all the bad boys out there who think it's okay to lie to women and date a million of them at a time: your day is coming. To all the bad girls who treat men like dirt: qaphela (watch out).
And to the rest of us who do not know if we are good, bad or both: find out and stick with the bit that makes us better.


She can't tell you how to mend a broken heart but the one thing she does for sure is cry her eyes out.

You should come and see the pillows at her house in the living room, the poor little things are as flat as pancakes. She holds them tight, squeezes hard and cries.

The other method she uses to vent is what you are reading now, she types it all out and leaves all the pain there.

Talk to your girlfriends, best friends and boyfriends. Cry your eyes out, pray if you have to. All she asks of you is that you deal with the emotion, feel the pain, smell it, touch it, and deal with it, so as to not carry baggage going forward. Take your time to heal until your heart decides to betray you again.

A relationship should be about learning each other's traits and behaviours and deciding if you want to love them unconditionally or not. She talks too much but these are solely her opinions on this love life journey

With all her love
She

Content

David calls you his portion in the land of the living
Paul calls you perfect & holy
Joseph, Esther, & Mordecai all have names for Yahweh
I call you faithful. For you are my everything
I give you all
For you are King alone
I call you love
For you loved me years before I knew you
I call you peace
For you calm the storms that embark on the valleys of my brain

I call you shepherd
For you guard my path and ways and lead me to greener pastures

I call you Abba
For you are all a daughter such as myself could ever ask for

I call you real
For there is none I know outside of you

Be thou glorified Yahweh
Be thou lifted up
Be thou praised
Be thou worshiped
 You who says He is who He says He is
You who created everything through your spoken Word
You who reigns supreme
You who loves unconditionally and undoubtedly
You who died for all (past, present and future) of my sins
You alone are Abba
You alone are my King
You alone are worthy of all of my heartfelt worship and praise, as raw and real as it is
May we forever be on business about you
May I forever be on business regarding you
"You can have all of me, I am yours. I give you all of me, I am yours."

Be thou gloried in the land of the living.

With all my love

Carr Phoenix

The kiss of death

The kiss of death

Looked into my eyes and lied to my back
Kissed my lips and cursed my arms
Yahweh did not allow it
Prayer is my daily diet


The kiss of death

Served by family
Leaving you numb and cold
Prayer your only hope
Forever and always

The kiss of death

From the warmest nurturer's hands
Straight to where your head finds rest
Rescued by dreams from Yahweh
Prayer is all we know

The kiss of death

Yahweh is our only saviour
Fellowship with Him our way of life
Darn it: He is our life
Pray. Pray and pray

The kiss of death
Away

With all my love

Phoenix Songs

Street style fashion

The above picture depicts how the Zulu bead trend has grown. It is used as an accessory at all times

Beaded bracelets, covenant bands and metallic tattooes are the must-have accessories to give colour to any outfit

Nude heels and happy socks have made a remarkable stastatement in fashionistas' lives. Team them up and be great

Boyfriend hair cut is in style and ladies cannot get enough of it