Turned to dust

Turned to dust
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
I buried my lover two decades into our love affair
Heaps and heaps of sand kissed her coffin as they carried it six feet under
Flowers, cards and words were the final present upon her grave

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
My lover is no more
The pain sits comfortably between my chest
Every other day it peaks its head out and laughs at me with all its might

Turned into dust
Buried with no tear from my eye
In denial and in disbelief for a whole year
Until it struck me down
Weight loss came
My health went south

Accepting your passing was a task all on its own
Its living without your warm smile that's indescribable

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Here today, turned to dust tomorrow

"Pain demands to be felt"
Life left my name in its palm
Permanently residing in my chest
Only tears make it better but for a day

Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
I buried my lover
Two decades into our love affair

I know not how to live beyond but I have to
Phoenix I am
Dust

Love lost my name in the mail

With my head safely resting on your chest
I remember the future that is not promised to us
I think of the love and laughter we are never to see beyond this friendship
I wonder if these hugs will ever remind you of home


Or will the hurt of the past always be a constant reminder of our past
I have failed to selflessly love you
I have dismally failed to unconditionally love you
Had I met you before you met me I would be with you


Had I always put me first I would have loved you fiercely
The weakest parts of you remind me of my father
And the strongest parts remind me of the man I have grown to love


Grown to know and see love others
I have seen you help old ladies climb lapas to find their seats, I have seen you wipe little girls' tears and I have seen you guide those younger than you to lead better lives


I have seen you continue to laugh with me and love me after all the rejection I sent your way
I constantly see your attempts at being a better man and being crushed on every side


I have seen you pray with and for those around you
I have seen you hustle and grind to get things going for your mom and little sis back home
I have seen you try to get your family to see that you are a changed man


I have seen you stand up to your dad and remind him that he is a father
I have seen all points of your life and how you have survived them all


Modimo at the front of it all
You are amazing, if only life afforded me the opportunity to be with you
All I know is that I will forever love you
From your cricket laughter, to your weird dance moves, to your dark, chocolate skin, to your beautiful white smile


May you continue to love with your all and may she love you more than I ever will
I love you, always


With all my love


B